What is the spark that ignites a conversation? Why can a conversation be transformative? What makes a conversation different from any other type of communication?
The Royal Spanish Academy (RAE) defines “conversar” (to converse) in its first meaning as "Said of one or more people: To speak with another or others," and proposes synonyms such as hablar (to speak),, charlar (to chat), platicar (to talk), tertuliar (to converse), parlamentar (to discuss), dialogar (to dialogue)...
Beyond definitions, conversing is an act that connects us, that challenges us, that engages us. It is about moving beyond chatter, idle talk, one-way communication, or objective information. None of this, and yet all of it, is part of conversation. That is why, in these times of media noise, of information and counter-information, of the speed and immediacy of the media and social networks, dedicating time and space to reflect together aloud can become something truly revolutionary.
A conversation requires a calm encounter for dialogue and the exchange of opinions and perspectives with the sole intention of understanding and being understood, without needing to reach any conclusions. Conversation requires an open, understanding, compassionate, and curious attitude, a desire to know, but also a desire to get to know the other person through their words, thoughts, and gestures. It is an act of joint creation that requires presence and commitment in the very act of conversing.
Often, conversations begin with a question or a phrase related to a specific topic, or from an image or some element that draws us in; but throughout the discussion, the initial ideas evolve into others that appear spontaneously and connect us with sensations, impressions, and/or ideas that are like cracks allowing us to explore new paths along which the conversation will travel. It is like a dance of words, ideas, and images that we share on a stage, where we dissolve ourselves so that the focus becomes on the joint construction of a beautiful dance. Therefore, because of this dissolution of the egoic self in each of the participants, the conversation is extremely democratic, since each of us contributes what we feel, think, and believe.
Conversations require a predisposition on our part to have an open, expectant, appreciative, and conscious listening mindset, one that sets aside prejudices or egoic thoughts. Deep listening allows us to build connections to understand each other, but also to understand ourselves. Listening well is a necessary skill for a deep conversation. It gives us the opportunity to be present for and with the other person, but it also requires a commitment to ourselves to be present and truly be.
Appreciative listening involves attention and intention in the conversation. Attention to build upon what is shared and transform ourselves by generating new learning; and intention to value and appreciate what the other person communicates. In a conversation, deep and appreciative listening is circumstantialsince it depends on the context, on how we feel about the topic discussed, on the situation expressed at a given moment; it is transformadora, puesto que un intercambio comunicativo real amplía nuestra mirada y nos transforma; y es transformative, since a real communicative exchange broadens our perspective and transforms us. And it is generative, since it is the starting point for personal reflection, new conversations, and personal growth.
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